REMINISCENCE

I knew I was late. I tried my best to reach on time. Getting up late always has fucked matters for me, even in the past. And I knew, it was also going to act spoilsport today. I left Sea Garden View at 12 p.m. sharp, in fond keenness of making it to lunch before 1.30 p.m. Besides, adding to my plight; I was genuinely famished and could have chomped through anything that could have been put in front of me. It may seem I’m heading for a time-bound wedding or a special invite to a celebrity’s clandestine revelry. But sorry to say, I was heading to eat lunch at my hostel mess! In fact, the mess customarily subjects you to the worst cuisine you can possibly imagine eating anywhere on God’s green earth. Amazingly all the same, I had developed an extraordinary forbearance towards it. But today was different. It was my last meal for a long time, if not forever, at H2 mess. The mess would be off for the vacations following which; I would have to be off with my baggage to H13.

I was half an hour too late. I entered the mess, panting like hell, noticeably hungry and thirsty. I saw the stacks of salad kept in front on me delectable as ever, waiting for me to be consumed. Lost in the thought of the carrot and cucumber, the vegetable kept ahead disturbed my tender reverie – “Get your ass here and put me on a plate quick, will you?” I took a plate and put all I could on it, and headed for a seat. I see, my wing mates, all together in the fourth row with a seat empty in the centre, perhaps wanting to feel my bum. I joined them, whilst they were in between a joke, laughing to their heart’s content. The joke quite obviously being explicitly related to the horseshit kept on the plate in front of us off course! I took the first bite. A current ran down my veins. God have mercy, is this food? I blinked my eyes. I returned to my senses. I opened my eyes. It was all gone!!

I was standing there, wondering in which world I really am. I paced slowly inside the mess. The manager, with dismayed vision told me that the food was over. It wasn’t special food by any means, but it was worth its time. The manager was alone in the mess, sitting on the remaining table and chair, eating away on some rice and pulses. H2 mess was not the same. The chairs and tables were stacked in the far corner and the mess largely clean and empty. It wasn’t the H2 mess I recognized and cherished. I had become schizophrenic for a moment. I left the mess, disappointed, sad and starving. I felt disowned. The place where myriad tête-à-têtes would take shape is reduced to a hushed dungeon of nothingness. Those mean seniors, who threw countless intro sessions at me, have all run away into the ashes of time. The ever ready mess workers assisting us in serving us food had, in their own way filled my tummy for a while, even though they weren’t there anymore.

I was finding the present tense and the past perfect!
The rough edges from the good old days seemed so much smoother. The mess gave way to the lounge. It felt sinister at first. It’s rather aberrant to find it empty first of all. Secondly, it was clean with all the chairs kept in an organized file. Nobody was there to receive a ‘hi’ from me. The newspapers, kept assembled in the tray for a change, were something paranormal. There definitely was a ghost somewhere, toying around with the hostel property. The fleeting creature even ensured no one was witness to his mischief. The music system was kept on the shelf, like in a coffin ready to be buried. The old newspapers kept next to it, intuitively inviting me to pick it up to clean my snuffles. The sofas weren’t seemingly alluring anymore, even though the dogs weren’t resting on it. The fans and lights were switched off totally nonchalant and blasé about my presence in the room. I didn’t feel invited anymore. A brief glance more was all I could endure, till I relented to head for my room.

The wings were abandoned. It seemed like a tsunami-prone area evacuated for impending doom. I entered my wing, the Frisbee ground to my back. The tranquility of the hostel actually gave me goose bumps. The cries of catching and throwing the disk, ringing in my ears, were acting like a seductive liar. The rooms from 12 to 6 were latched, locked or vacant, whichever way conveying the feeling of emptiness. The remnants ahead, were with heavy suitcases, on an unperturbed mission to leave. The place, so inviting for activity had been reduced to a desert of desolation. I entered my room, and saw Kartik’s stuff packed and ready to go home with him. I hadn’t even begun packing. I still felt a part of my home and didn’t want to leave so abruptly, even though I had to. Soon, even Kartik made a move and I was nearly all alone. Except for Ankur few rooms away, no sign of civilization in quite a distance. I packed, with some help off course, still in bewilderment and trepidation of what is happening around me. It was just yesterday that I could hear Sunmukh’s bawling and foul invectives coming from a distance. It was just yesterday, I saw a dog running down the isle, frantically trying to save his ass from a high-momentum slipper hurtled at him. It was just yesterday when Suchit came to my room to show me grimy videos of people at it in the toilet. Elixir was a team. Elixir was a family. Now, we fend for ourselves.

It is often said, that the world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past. Nevertheless, it's never safe to be nostalgic about something until you're absolutely certain there's no chance of its coming back. I could never have loved IIT as much if I wasn’t in H2. H2 became a part of me whilst I was there. The thought of seeing it as a dilapidated configuration will always hit me where it hurts. I loved H2. I will miss you H2. Here I come H13.

MY BEST FRIEND

This is a short, rather bad attempt at poetry I made for Chweetu.

On 27th October, I met you, my friend
Who knew everything I felt
You knew my every weakness
And the problems I've been dealt

You understood my wonders
And listened to my dreams
You related to how I felt about life and love
And knew what it all means

Then I proceeded to hold your hand
Amidst mosquitoes, one night at the stair
‘Can I see your lines?’ I fondly asked
You obliged, in my embarrassing despair

Not once did you interrupt me
Or tell me I was wrong
You understood what I was going through
And promised you'd stay long

As time passed, we understood each other
You and I had so many secrets to tell
About our families, friends and life in general
And why orkut fraandshippers must go to hell!

I reached out to you, my special buddy
And showed you that I care
To pull you close and let you know
How much I need you there

With you, Chweetu, I felt very rich
Not because you are a turn-on
But whenever I felt stumpy or depressed
I had your shoulder to lean upon

I realized my pranks, comments and opinions
Has been a cause of pain
But amidst my deep, solemn regret
Together we’ve had so much to gain

I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be

I'd like to mean as much to you
Each minute of the day
As you have meant, these past few months
To me all along the way

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you
And support you in your journalistic life
Along with your English and G.K too!

I’d love to tell you those kindly things
That I so often have heard
Irrespective of the fact that I never bathe
And have uncouth hair and a beard

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me
Yet that were wishing you a need
I hope will never be

Memories send a tear down my brow,
Especially the ones beside the lake
Also, the one when I missed tiffin once,
And you bought me a Monginis cake!

In all my laziness, I try my best
But I wish I could but repay
A portion of the gladness that
You've strewn along my way

I know my academics are in the dogs
Life is fucked as fucked can be
But there’s one wish, that’s all I ask
Is that you be here with me

Always remember, I’ll be here forever
You know this friendship is true
Coz I’m convinced that the person beside me
Is no one else but YOU!

And to end this rhyme, on a lighter note
I know my poetic skills are in a mess
But trust me Chweetu, what I feel for you
Is something words can’t express!

Yes, it seems very plagiarized. But then, I didn't want it to be a lame one.

REFLECTIONS

I have finally decided to blog more regularly now; especially when vacations are around and I have more time to. I have also resolved to keep my blogs absolutely informal and simple and not too shady (except at times!) for people to relate to.

It’s finally the end of the first year of my stay at the hallowed IITB. Exactly 2 semesters ago, I had thought of life to be very different. I thought I had conquered the world after having passed IITJEE and entering the portals of the most challenging environments the world has to offer. I had also made great fancied great prospects about my performance at IIT, maybe even a branch change. As of my academics at IIT now, they are completely in the doldrums to be euphemistically precise; and has left me with more unanswered questions and food for thought than I would have liked on my plate.

We often dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. Similarly, I also say to myself that we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done. We always think ideally about so many things in life, even when it’s kicking you constantly in the ass and we’re still not bothered. Maybe in the long run it does work out, but who gives the guarantee. Which prophet actually makes such general views about life and expects the whole world to live up to his trite, idyllic philosophies. I (and perhaps everyone else!) talk from experience people, things don’t work out the way you want them to work all the time.

At the beginning, I was really happy with the setting at IITB. The facilities were really good and I made some great friends too! I discovered groovy veracities of how people prepared to come to IIT, seniors’ informal intro sessions, mess food, lectures, squash, death metal and programming to name a few things. As the exams passed, I soon realized that IIT is a great place for the greatest to discover their mediocrity. These are people who can merely intimidate you with their presence, let alone their academic and/or non-academic prowess as well. One just feels angry without enthusiasm. Maybe the only test I passed that semester, or for that matter the whole year, was that I survived! I spent way too much time doing other unrelated things like interacting ad infinitum with wing mates, wasted time in general and not studied and paid attention in the lectures that I had attended. The courses weren’t as easy as it seems and I fell for its deceptive looks. The exams left me traumatized and scandalized as I had far less preparation than normal for those papers. My grades suffered and I ended up with marks not even worth mentioning.

Then I began Mood Indigo work over the vacations, frankly because I had nothing else to do. I thought maybe discovering how the festival works, getting to know and interacting with seniors was also something I couldn’t afford to miss, so I utilized my chance. I worked hard for Mood Indigo, being in multiple departments. I got good appreciation from my coordinators and that gave me a good feeling about my college fest in general. I had a great time at the fest time as well, and didn’t regret working for Competitions, Informals, Security and Assistance at the same time. It left me less rejuvenated for the second semester yes; but I had a whole new tenacity and doggedness in me to prove a point the next semester.

Before I knew what hit me, it was the same old routine start to the semester as well. Not paying attention in lectures was again taking its toll, principally when tough courses are around and the term being tough in general as its flooded with plenty of extra-curricular events. Techfest happened, and I was nominated as a compeer for certain events all three days of the fest. I had unfaltering decided to not engage myself in any manner with Techfest, considering I gave it all I had for Mood Indigo; but it was a tempting offer I couldn’t resist. Mercifully, I got great admiration from the hordes of fervent techies when I was on stage, which gave me an all-new high of doing things at Techfest, or any fest for that matter.

The moments of truth arrived later, when exams went from bad to worse. My name was among the esteemed and atypical probable contenders to be sent to the Academic Office for outstandingly bad performance in Multivariable Calculus. Other courses weren’t palpably far-off from the thwarting scores of misery either, which evidently left a scar for the semester left. It was all about saving grace performances now, with desperate measures calling in few courses. PAF also deleted some time with me working a few occasions but that would be just an excuse to state. End semester exams arrived and night-outs began. Somehow, in someway, I did what was to be done, not completely however. Papers as usual, by habit to be very honest, sucked hard. Passing became the only 2-way criteria as far as grades were concerned.

At the end of the year, I’m glad to say.. It’s finally over. I have 3 months of my own complete time to look forward to. Maybe dwelling on reality is what keeps me away from greatness. The times to take negative stress will temporarily come to a halt. Befriending myself will not work anymore, as it seems to be about opening my heart as a homeless shelter for all the destituted and prostituted aspects of my being that I have been running from for months without even knowing that's what I have been doing. I plan to do a lot of things this summer. Lets see if it turns out to be a vacation to remember…

THE REAL IIT

The Indian Institutes of Technology is another name for IIT, which is the acronym for Institute of Infinite Tension, Institute of Indian Technology, etc. These institutes of so-called national importance were set up by the Indian Parliament at seven campuses across India, decided purely on merits of political alliances of the ruling party. It was the mastermind of a certain eccentric named Jawaharlal Nehru to reduce the average intelligence of Indians that led to the establishments of these institutes. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, IITs were formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 2% of the intellegensia of the country and dumb them down!!

The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.

The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like Booze, Drugs, Crime, Pondy etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.

The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being Pondy!! The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.

Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Google adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). The club meetings that follow later in the evenings, however follow PST (Pakistan Standard Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "Five Point Someone: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT.

When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being "happy among themselves"!! The girls in IITs, usually refered to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy. The alumni of these institutes have been very sucessful across the world (more in USA than in India). Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute Of Technology. An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads and one day hope to colonise the whole of MIT campus.

P.S. And now that you are convinced that an IITian himself has written it, it makes perfect sense for you to conclude that the writer is jacking off watching pondy as you have completed reading this miserable blog.

THE JEE AFTERMATH

You know what? The world is going crazy. The best rapper is a white guy. The best golfer is a black guy. The tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese. The Swiss hold the America's Cup. France is accusing the United States of arrogance. Germany doesn't want to go to war. The most celebrated singer in India sings through his nose. Finally, the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. On the bright side, when we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

You know, I always think I've hit the bottom, only to realize that when I look back a few months from now, they are fond memories compared to how low things have become. Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first. No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you. The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly -- because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them. So this is a jovial attempt on my part to keep it real on my part and share this whole drama I have been witnessing these past two months.

So, it was the morning of May 31st. Not having access to the internet at that time, and the IVRS system of IITB wedged bigtime, the anxiety of my JEE result was eating the daylights out of me. Well, I had wretchedly fucked issues on April 9th which had put me in such misery and desolation days before the results were out. Well, I won’t go into the exact minutiae of how I discovered my result, but I was kind of pleased. Not overly in raptures considering the feeling hadn’t sunk in as yet, I was more apprehensive at that moment in time to ascertain whether my other pals made the cut or not. Well, few did, but the majority of them didn’t. What began after that was downright pandemonium. Calls began flooding in at home with the same alacrity with which I insatiably consume paneer in restaurants. “Rahul (that’s my moniker at home), you’ve done it!!”
“Beta Rahul, when are you coming to my house?”
“Rajat, where’s the party, dude?”
Well, I was very appreciative of the accolades I was getting. It was extraordinarily pristine for me because I’ve never been appreciated for anything I have done in life. I have been such an asshole in the way I have spent mine because I considered life as something which is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. Existence is painful, nasty and short... in my case it had only been painful and nasty.

But then, as time moved on, it suddenly dawned upon me – Who the fuck is on the other side of the line?? I have far-flung relatives who I haven’t met for years, if not, forever; telling me what an eligible bachelor I have become after having pulled off the world’s toughest entrance exam for any university – the IITJEE and crossing the threshold of one of the most coveted engineering institutions God’s green earth has to offer. These friends who antagonized me with their presence all through my younger years now want to kiss my ass because I’ve become this model millionaire who is now a class apart from the rest because of this recently inherited title of ‘King of Science’. Oh and there’s a flipside to this whole debate as well. My really close friends, as in the bum chum types, now see me in this new light. They think considering I am going places, I will be disregarding my roots and just move on in life without them. Some don’t even take the trouble of calling due to phony inferiority complexes. Whenever I’m in conversation with the remnants, they’re like - “Fodu, kaisa chal raha hai?” Well, first things first, I wouldn’t mind the title of being called a Fodu. Well, having said that, this categorically pisses me off because I’ve been titled as something which I legitimately am not.
The other day I was at a friend’s birthday merrymaking. I introduced myself as a simple guy, reasonably with both feet on the ground. When I was asked where I studied, I riposted, with a smidgen of vacillation – Aerospace Engineering, IIT Bombay. Well, I didn’t really brace myself for the music that was to follow, even though the reflection of what they later alleged was somewhat tongue in cheek when one comes to think of it. A guy, Mayank declared that these fucking IITian guys are so despo, they letch at guys letting their imagination run riot to the tainted prospect that they are actually chicks; as there aren’t any at the IIT’s. No chip on his shoulder from me; because he’s one great guy. But I am rather a tad confused, more than gnashing my teeth on this stupid crap! Is the IITian species desperate, perverted or both!!

After IIT has happened, it seems to me that - All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. Why doesn’t the Almighty or whoever is up there, give a flying fuck about preparing us humans to endure this fickle and capricious world. Lovers hate me, haters love me. My contacts eschew me and far-off associates who I don’t give a rat’s ass about approach me like I’m some overnight celebrity. I was this conventional guy minding his own business going about his droning life like anyone else. And now, the perspective of all and sundry has so dramatically transformed that I wonder, whether this one “faux pas” called IITJEE has washed away my very own identity into the depths of despair. May be I should realize, that life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries. Or maybe that life is full of disappoinments, and that I am full of life already! Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Chalo, I’m signing off for now. Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts.