BRA SHOPPING IN MUMBAI

You have to be a real dumbass to figure out that Mumbai is a shopper’s paradise. To be honest - for every budget, every lifestyle and every need, there’ll always be a pleasant marketing experience tailor-made for the visitor. To be more honest, it’s not really true. Shopping sometimes does depend on who is making the purchase. To find out more… read on!

So it was one fine afternoon when there were no labs for a change, and my friend Ali was yearning to go shop for new clothes. He did need some company, and I desperately wanted to get out of college campus, tagged along to one of the finest shopping areas Mumbai has to offer – Linking Road. The afternoon was hot and humid, so staying indoors in shops was a welcome respite from the heat. Ali finished his purchase soon, and now we had a couple of hours to kill indoors. So we thought to ourselves, let’s have some fun in the process.

Now, the brassiere is a piece of (really pointless) tit-wear. Its main purpose is to increase the duration of intercourse but can be totally by-passed by concentration on other areas of the female anatomy. However, today, the brassiere is considered to simply be a formality, and also a kind of protection against “that rapist currently looking at your sister's tits using a pair of binoculars!” So, us, two guys, did the unthinkable and randomly decided to go bra shopping. As a thumb rule, women take undue advantage of a man’s extreme desire to have sex with her right there in the store by cuddling up to their man and asking for money. But today was going to be different!

With no idea on how to start, we randomly entered Topsons, a prominent women’s showroom opposite KFC on the road. With largely women all around, it seemed weird in the beginning, but we soon carried ourselves to the lingerie section to be greeted rather unfamiliarly to a lady saleswoman behind the table.

We asked – “Ek women’s bra dikhaana…” We tried to be as normal as possible, but couldn’t control our chuckles. We stopped soon, thankfully! The women thought we’re probably laughing looking at some stain on her shirt but rather unfazed, she proceeded to show us some brands out of a box. What followed was easily the best extempore performance one can put forward in years.

Pitstop 1 - “Kaunsa size chaahiye?”No idea whatsoever. We had to be intuitive! Now I’m around 40 or so, and with the curves figured it’d be a few inches more…
“46!”
She looked at me perplexed, like as if that size was the most ludicrous figure she had ever heard. As it seemed, it was, and she removed this humongous piece fit for an elephant.
“Arey, hum ne toh 36 bola tha!”; quickly recollecting, the famous 36-24-36 figure. She looked on in some anger, but went on to bring another box.

Pitstop 2 – “Cup?”
No! Not a cup of tea… Thankfully, we figured out this bit ourselvesJ. But we didn’t really know the convention. Without an answer, we went forward sifting through the varieties. There was Triumph, Lovable and Enamor on show. Soon, with the labels; we went on to find out about the alphabet convention.“Humein exact size pataa nahi hai…”

Pitstop 3 – “Kyun chahiye?”
I mean, what’s her problem. But, we had to seem normal. We couldn’t give away the fact that we came to waste some time. So, I started…“Humein girlfriend ko gift mein denaa hai…”
Any guy around was coupled with a lady trying the different sizes on. And none of us were prepared to do the same on each other! But, for the first time, the lady actually smiled a bit and showed us some sample cups.

Pitstop 4 – “Aapko unhe laana chaahiye tha… Theek hai, inmein se choose karo!”
She showed us 4 different-cupped sample bras, like as if I have a size documented on instinct! I was forked now. If I did manage to choose, she’d think I have my girlfriend’s cup size measured on my hands. If I didn’t, then the idea of the purchase would have just reached a deadlock. To normal conjectures, I chose C. Ali, after this started looking at it too, like as if he had an idea on MY girlfriend’s size as well. Hopefully, she was attending to another lady at that time to arouse more suspicion. She returned soon. We had to act inquisitive to carry on.

“Yeh band fit hoga na? She is about 5’5”.” – Some engineering intelligence at work.
“Yes sir! Perfect fit hai.”

Pitstop 5 – “Kaunsa material chaahiye?”
From all the adult entertainment (read: porn) I’ve ever watched, I’ve gathered that lace is one of the many materials bras can be made of. She put forward a nice, white coloured one.
“Yeh bahut simple hai! Kuch pink colour mein dikhaao na…”
She picked out another box from the top shelf, and removed a box of colourful lace (or so I thought) bras. I began the search for pink.

Pitstop 6 – “Underwire chaahiye kya? Mehenga padega.”
I had no remote idea of how much a bra costs. But, after some really awkward interrogation, it seemed that underwire give better support. And I, had to pretend to be really macho to this fictitious girlfriend went with the underwire option.“Yeh kitne ka hai?”
“This one is for 600! Aur yeh black wala 550 ka hai.”
WTF!
My face evidently grew slightly red, and she must’ve figured out now that I need not be given too much attention from then on. For the uninitiated, the most expensive Jockey men’s underwear doesn’t cost that much. But then, what are we even comparing? She grew slightly impatient, and went towards some other customer on the right, leaving us helpless and awkwardly alone in a lingerie section.

I silently gestured to Ali for more questions, but he didn’t have any. Ali had had it by now, and he couldn’t possibly hold on to his laughter much longer. He left the store leaving me alone and stranded. She returned, to return some of the samples that I ostensibly wasn’t interested in. I didn’t have much more to do there really, except make a really intelligent escape. I began getting a call on my fone, and felt now is the best time to escape. On account of bad network deep inside a shop, I made for the door gradually withdrawing my phone from my pocket. As I was at the entrance, I hurriedly picked up and said hello. Guess what! It was Ali, and by now I was already out of the store! God bless that soul who said - A friend in need is a friend indeed.

But guys, there are a few things I learnt about bra shopping that day.
1. Always take a lady with you.
2. The bra size is the size of the chest and not cup included.
3. Cups are in alphabetic convention.
4. ALWAYS take a lady with you.
5. Never go with another guy! You could be mistaken for being ‘happy among yourselves’ who’ve come for fetish shopping!!
6. ALWAYS TAKE A LADY WITH YOU!
7. Bra’s can be really expensive.
8. Oh! I almost forgot, ALWAYS (Yes! ALWAYS!!) TAKE A LADY WITH YOU!

POLITICS

Man by nature is a political animal.

If not engineering and its applications, one can definitely know the tricks of the trade as far as politics goes at IIT. All you really need is some sort of involvement in activities at IIT, some ambition and your inherent priorities far from what IIT expects of you. Some people do manage to become exceptions to this rule, but then they’re way too smart to study and manage other things at the same time. In fact, there have been such few exceptions to this rule that the ones, who managed it, are largely those who are endangered species on campus, namely girls! Guys don’t generally make the cut in this department, as most of them are quite depressed with their academics and choose positions of responsibility as their keys of survival through the academic torture at IIT.

The tone above might sound like I faced the brunt of the brutality of it. Though it wouldn’t be essentially untrue, I still ended up with Institute Debating Secretary for the coming year for my efforts (or the lack of it). The even semester, just after the mid-semester examinations sees the Institute Elections in full flow. There are lots of positions to occupy in the IIT Councils, more so for the to-be third year students, though the prestige of each of them is largely on subjective biases. The to-be fourth year students vie for the General Secretary posts (one each for Sports, Cultural activities, hostel affairs and academic affairs). Very prestigious posts indeed. Coming to the to-be third year students; for what Mood-I and Techfest have become, the Mood-I CG (Core Group member) or the Techfest Manager pretty much rule the roost as far as student priorities go. E-Cell is definitely catching up, after having catapulted itself this year, with a few big events; though not yet in the formers league. Then we have the Institute posts i.e. institute secretaries under the four General Secretary heads, which places me under the G.S. Cultural Activities as Institute Debating Secretary. The cultural body is something that does fall under the purview of most IIT junta, while a post like the institute Indian games and Mountaineering secretary is something that is as alien to anyone outside the institute as it is to the inside! In all fairness, I never worked towards any of the glamourous posts, either politically or otherwise to get any sort of substantial recognition or notice. The ones, who did make it in the end, did work far more than I did, so to expect anything from these independent bodies for myself would connote by naiveté. But everyone has a blind faith in wanting to acquire something they think they’re capable of. It’s just that winners eventually focus on the means and not just the aims.

In IIT, or for that matter anywhere, it’s always the survival of the fittest scenario. The hot posts sees hot competition, and lots of people trying to occupy such posts. There’s even some competition for the lesser posts as well, but no one gives a rat’s ass about those. Off course, the palpable fact that Institute posts of responsibility adds weight to one’s resume at placements, and gives one a nice learning experience to manage tasks, I have already assumed you know. So what is politics finally? It’s defined quite differently here at IIT. Though, I couldn’t give you an absolute definition, as I haven’t really realized it fully myself, let’s just put simply. The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. Yes, it’s largely sycophancy. Though the definition slightly alters with different election situations, in principle you’re either licking your senior’s ass, IIT junta’s ass; your professor’s ass and pray not, your own ass! Everywhere, it’s about licking ass. Though, it’d be grossly wrong to say that the ‘poltu’ selections don’t do any work and just keep licking ass till their tongues go dry. They work really hard, but so do the ‘non-poltu’ hopefuls. Politics becomes the deciding factor. Crime doesn’t pay, but politics does!

In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves. The victims of it profess such theories explicitly, quite often to demean the achievers, while the ones who epitomize it, in essence believe in it implicitly but don’t acknowledge the same. And why not, if a senior is flattered by your presence and feels you’ve done enough work to deserve a higher post, s/he’ll bloody well give it to you. That’s exactly how a corporate work and might be a reason why you won’t get a promotion in your job later.

But now I’m talking about the elected posts. Participating in elections is definitely a way to know how efficient your PR-building skills really is. A lot of them win generally on their good-PR in the first place, but for the ones who have to establish it, they face the hardships. Then again, you also have random clowns in the sample space who anti-campaign for themselves when campaigning and you only fondly hope he covers all the hostels for having all the votes to yourself. But largely, IIT elections to a community of 6000-strong, is primarily about showing face and convincing him just to the level that he doesn’t forget you for a 10-day period till the voting process happens. IIT has a large Post Graduate population; most of who don’t even bother standing for any post or involve themselves in IIT activities to even pose as a threat during campaigning. Surely, it’s nearly impossible to campaign everywhere and in front of everyone. That’s where politics comes in. You find allies, and ask them to spread the word. Off course, your close friends will always vote for you, but clever schemes and being ever so conniving, will not only help you fetch victory, but it’s considered stupid to not utilize such tactics in the first place. One always approaches seniors, not only for fundaes, but also on knowing measly strategies on how to garner votes the dirty way! Hey, at the end of the day, it’s only the votes, which decide your fate.

Some useful tips I learnt on the way: -
1. Always walk in the hostels while campaigning with some popular hostelite.
2. LICK ASS!
3. LICK SENIOR ASS ESPECIALLY as they’d help you in the future.
4. Dress well.
5. Bathe.
6. LICK SOME MORE ASS!
7. Make a diplomatic manifesto.
8. Get your friend’s to spread your word, maybe do some anti in the process.
9. LICK ASS!
10. Be submissive, especially to Post Grads, as they like to be pampered.
11. Upload the prettiest picture (non-nude) you have for the online voting interface.
12. LICK ASS!
13. Get some strong recommendations and proposals for your candidature.
14. Keep the election officers happy, who knows when their love for you might overshadow a campaigning violation, if it ever happened!
15. LICK ASS!
16. Oh! I almost forgot… LICK ASS!

So when campaigning is done, we have a Silent Day followed by the voting day. The silent day ironically is the day you’re expected to be the least silent! That’s the day when all your pals and allies will be silently scouring the institute spreading word about voting for you. Though quite in essence, it’s easily on of those days of maximum silent entropy. It’s the last crack at the game, with elections only the following day. The Election Day too, swirls votes around. The candidate, off course out of bounds from his room, now has to rely on his allies to do the running around and calling. And surprisingly, in IIT elections, there’s reason to be quarantined if caught. At the quarantine, you’re actually given Monginis cakes and patties with tea for your efforts of having run around for your favoured candidate and now rot in that room for a few more hours!

It’s almost fortunate or unfortunate, that politics definitely can even prove to be a ray of light for a casual dumbass that just decided he wanted to stand for a post while he was asleep or dumping in the toilet. Though it’s largely made of irrelevancies, politics requires no preparation. The bad part is, that it shatters those who actually worked hard for it, and didn’t manage to make it.

Luckily, a lot of the recently aforesaid rules didn’t apply for me, as I was standing unopposed; and as fate had it, was made IDS without even a Yes/No call. However, people at IIT firmly believe, that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the crummy politicians alone. I, off late have just developed this opinion after having gone through an election myself, and seeing (if not emulating) the political idols. You see, politics is not a bad profession at all; if you succeed, there is lots of rewards; and if you don’t or have managed to disgrace yourself, you can always write a book or a blog on it!

INTERNSHIP 'GREENS'

Being regular with writing blogs is harder than I'd have imagined. But blogging has become a craze off late. Exploring the personal side of anyone could not have gotten any easier when you can simply read his/her blog. Amitabh has one, Aamir has one, and I have one too. Just that, they maintain it far more regularly than I do.

In light of this, I have decided to make another random insertion into the blog. This is a letter that I wrote to Dad, who is abroad now, briefing him on my first week experiences here at my internship. For the uninitiated, I’m presently at Bangalore, doing an internship for about 2 months, at Mahindra Plexion Technologies or now known as Mahindra Engineering & Design.

_______________________________________________

Hey Baba

I'm writing this letter from the office at the moment. The office is quite posh and comfortable. It's centrally air-conditioned and I have a whole big table to myself. Don't have a computer as yet, but will do so soon. Timings are officially 9.30 - 6.30, but things are a lot more flexible. I can come in later and leave earlier. Infact, Karthik Sir on my first day told me to leave at around 5 itself.

The first few days is just about looking around the office, meeting new people and interacting with all the senior people around. It's been a good learning experience so far and I'm learning newer things about what Mahindra is involved in. Based on what all is happening and where my interest lies, I can define a project for myself. As of now, with all my discussions, I'm planning to enhance on the subjects I have already done on a practical level. Venturing out into new subjects will be daunting, and something I won't realistically finish within my stay here. Plus I also feel I want to do something result oriented (as in I will have some conclusion and inference on the basis of experimentation and analysis that I do here) as opposed to randomly put my feet into many boats and see what it's like. Probably I'm looking to do something in computer and software programming, maybe devise an algorithm for different flight conditions. The company can use my algorithm as a black box for their future projects and analysis, and I can show the code output in the form of a software as my final result. I will need to know advanced C++ programming for that, something that I always wanted to learn or atleast improve on.

Seems that just after second year, doing an intern is quite hard as lots of important things related to flight is covered in the third year. Hopefully, I will learn on new things by and by and see where it goes from there. There are a lot of things they do here, and it's quite natural to be confused about what one wants to do. It's not because everything is tempting, it's just that I don't really know the depths of anything, and I'm feeling very apprehensive about taking up something and regretting it later. I have expressed these concerns to Karthik Sir already, and he feels its just a feeling of insecurity, and will go as time goes by or if I eventually do venture into something.


My colleagues here have been very welcoming and very friendly as well. All in all, I'm having quite a good time here so far.

The room is also very comfortable. It's a guest house (service apartment). So, I have room service there. My room / bed / toilets get cleaned every morning when I leave for work. The room is also fully furnished with big cupboards, a dressing table, attached bath with geyser, a TV, side tables etc. It's a set of 4 bedrooms, all connected by a hall and a kitchen. I have one bedroom to myself at the moment. 2 of them are free and the last is being occupied by some IT-recruit at Wipro. The kitchen has a fridge and utensils which I'm free to use. Only the gas is out of bounds as they prepare food there, which by the way I can also eat with some payment. The hall has huge sofas and a centre table for relaxing with the daily newspaper for reading. There is also a computer monitor kept there, indicating there was internet there a while ago, but the housekeepers tell me the connection has been withdrawn now. The place is also very safe, with no theft threats. It's just 5 minutes walk from the office, and in a completely residential area. In fact, the guest house is a convert from a bungalow. The houses around are all bungalow types, with very few apartment complexes around.

Eating is quite expensive here. Dinner costs me around 60-70 rupees, although I haven't really tried the budget eateries just as yet. I have also got a new mobile connection. My new number is - 9945653492. I haven't really ventured out to the city just as yet, but plan to do so over the weekend(s).

The other third year interns will come around 19th May. They are presently in IIT Kanpur doing their Flight Lab. I will also have to go there sometime next year or later. I have passed in all my courses, so I will complete my entire stay here at one shot.

I will keep updating you on more soon. As of now, keep sending your mails to this ID ONLY!! Internet here is severely blocked, and very few sites are accessible. You take care. Lots of love. Rara.....

P.S. – Karthik Sir is Karthik Krishnamurthy… my Project head.

RESPONSIBILITIES

Before I begin, let me inform you of the following. This is a blog filler, as I haven’t blogged for a really long time and the yearn for it has driven me to indulge in typing absolute shit now because I still have no idea what I am going to type about. Or maybe it’s some sort of divine intervention that has bestowed its enlightening blanket upon me, appealing for a rescue out of the sorry world of blogging. Either way, my writings add to the world’s misery and literary drudgery anyway. A good start would be talking about third semester. A semester, that’s still on, and feels will take ages to complete even though there’s only a fortnight left. It was/is an eventful semester to say the least, and quite a few things happened as it came to pass.

The third semester, right from when it began, has been a rollercoaster ride. I have never assumed so many positions of responsibility before, and never put my feet (among other things!) into so many boats. Being a coordinator for Mood Indigo happened from the vacations itself. But now, I’m handling the MI Lounge, a grand success in MI’06. This year, it’s going to get bigger and better, pretty synonymous with how any fest, club or organization works in IITB in the first place. I was also a Coordinator for the Entrepreneurship Cell at IITB for Corporate Relations and Public Relations. I had been slogging in the vacations making calls, going for meetings, and random Googling for information and contacts of college representatives all over India.

As the semester began, and our H13 sophomore intros followed, it was time to contest for hostel positions as well. I was always enthusiastic for holding a hostel position right from second semester, only this time, I felt it dawn upon me finally. Campaigning in IIT is not always the most pleasant experience. Going to each and every wing in the hostel, calling people out of their rooms amidst their merriment of chilling at the beginning of the semester, does invite some serious pacification on the candidate’s part in his manifesto and/or campaign. The 4 days for campaigning wasn’t easy. But it wasn’t even remotely as hard as I reckoned it would be. I had good competitors, two others in all, one of whom who actually believed my campaigning was so awful that he would lecture me now and then on how casual I was with my spree. Ironically, he ditched midway realizing how many other responsibilities he had at hand. Just another day or two of effort covering all wings until finally it was time for the SOP Box. I campaigned alone, contrary to what the other secretaries were doing, but this was my competitors’ preference, not mine. I was quite unfazed at the SOP Box, and had reason to as well, as there was hardly anyone sitting there to tear me apart. Results were announced the next day, and I won, pretty much by a landslide… 179 to 111. I wasn’t overtly elated, but just felt this air of conscientiousness hit my chest. It was finally time to prove a point.I was also a panel member for Insight, the official English newsletter cum newspaper for IITB. Not really a prestigious thing, but good for a journalistic experience. Anyway, apart from the first few meetings, I wasn’t able to attend the rest, purely because there was so much at hand. But I always remained a part of the affiliation somehow by writing articles and doing the groundwork. This is also deleted some time and energy as well, although not as much as one should tend to believe.

For some strange reason, I was also roped in as a Media Coordinator for Techfest. I had to write the press release for Techfest, which required some detailed reading and skilled writing. Adding to what I was already doing, it became quite a pain in the ass. It needed constant editing and working on my part, who, by the way was already well past deadlines. I guess my lack of enthusiasm in addition to unethically working for Marketing in E-Cell already manifested itself to the manager, and I was out of contention for any other work in the future for good.

Then followed the advent of Zephyr’07; IITB’s Golden Jubilee version of an annual Aerospace festival. To be tersely honest, I had not worked for Zephyr as much as few others in my batch did, but kept giving suggestions and attending meetings now and then. But come those three days, and work was pouring in left, right and centre. The night before, without any meals to boot, I was busy engaged putting up posters of Zephyr all over the campus till late in the night. I was also selected as the compeer for almost all the events happening at Zephyr… all the lectures, flight simulator, closing ceremony and prize distribution etc. In short, those three days were very demanding as I had to be present at the IRCC at any and every point in time. At the end of the fest, I really felt nostalgic as a small department like Aerospace with an even smaller workforce actually pulled off a fest with quite a sizeable magnitude. Everyone at IIT was nothing short of in awe of what we had done as a team.

There was also this one night when a hostel council meeting was called with the General Secretary present with all the councilors. I was the only secretary present. A hostel newsletter cum magazine was proposed, with yours truly being pained to be editor of. After a brief discussion of what’s to be put into the magazine and what not to, it was assumed that I must coordinate with the Lit Secretary and get the job done in a month’s time. This, interest apart, was something I just wasn’t prepared to do, given the fact that I just didn’t feel like doing it, it wasn’t something I was supposed to do anyway and something I just wouldn’t be able to manage alone especially when other commitments have me engaged for most of the time. Luckily, I wriggled out of it somehow, although I still have some regrets about it even till now.

Meanwhile, a lot of my time had been spent in preparing for the Debating GC events being debating secretary of the hostel. Debating is considered to be a very niche talent at IITB. Hence, to find junta and then train them for the GC events, that too at the hostel level is painstaking in every euphemistic sense. Right from radio play, to Mock Courtroom Trials, participating in both was a very novel experience. But getting other people to participate was somewhat painful. All the time, we had people ditching at some time or the other. I learnt quite a bit from it, although I’m not too sure whether the experience will hold me in good stead later in life.

Out of nowhere, came somewhat of a bombshell. For gross mismanagement of the Debating GC events; constant anarchy on the part of snooty seniors and few debating secretaries of the other hostels and the pressures of being taken for a ride having a position of responsibility, the Institute Debating Secretary resigned. The new man on the job now needed a new convener for the Speakers’ Club. We had hopefuls, but strangely enough, I was in the fray as well. I never wanted to become convener, more so with so many other responsibilities up my ass! But on peer and sheer persuasion, I mailed my expression of interest. The interviews followed. The same night at around 3.15 a.m., I received the telephonic confirmation. Congratulations followed in the coming days, for something I felt I didn’t deserve or didn’t owe my belonging to. My selection was purely because of the fact that a) my competitor was NEVER found in a Speakers’ Club meeting b) I had addressed all the problems of the club in the interview, and must’ve convinced him somehow that I knew what needed to be redressed. c) Hardly anyone wanted to become one anyway! I was then briefed on how painstaking life could be next semester, again for pretty much the same reason. Everything in IIT needs to be larger than life.

In light of all this, you might be wondering where has the academics gone? Trust me, I’d have written about it if I myself knew where it had! Even after making grave commitments of proving a point this semester, academics just didn’t work out. Either I’m too dumb to be in a place as competitive as IIT, or my time management leaves a lot to be desired, or both! Courses this semester weren’t really tough, but I just blew it. When last minute studying did it for a lot of people, I just slept though those vital times. Attendance reached such deplorable limits, that I nearly awarded myself an XX (repeating the course for lack of attendance) in Thermodynamics. Just when you thought things can’t get worse, you realize that there is no strict definition of how worse is worse! In some courses, I’m forced to crack the end semester exams to even be in contention of getting a pass grade! There were instances in which my regular panache was just drained out completely as I laid on my bed like a miserable fuck thinking of nooses and fans! I actually would go through phases when I found depression very soothing and comforting, something more precious to humankind than even hours of porn. I realized… maybe I’m just too enthusiastic for my own good!

HOSTEL ALLOTMENT

This is a brief (yes!! The experiences I went through with this procedure is far more than what this short and crude writing can reveal) account of what I went through fighting the bureaucracy of the IIT system, for hostel allotment; the allotment I fundamentally deserved being a legitimate student of IIT Bombay.

Let me begin right from the top. Right in between second semester, a list was put up in Hostel 3 (unofficially off course, as I had discovered later). It was a list quite keenly anticipated by all freshmen at campus. A random senior being so starved of fun in his life, decided to randomly put up the hostel allotment list WITHOUT the signature or permission of the HCU (Hostel Coordinating Unit). But then, everyone knew that the signature was mere formality and the list wasn’t something a fairy had just decided to juxtapose names randomly with hostels and put it up on a notice board. It was a weekend morning, and I was just getting off my fond reverie and switched on the computer like a reflex action. You see, I wasn’t blessed with a comp in my room at the hostel, so the weekends were usually the time I would catch up with my required dosage of internet, chatting and music. And the weekends were so miserably short that I’d take any and every opportunity I had to sit on it (with some blessings from Dad off course, who is working in Bahrain and which leaves me with access to the dream machine all day long!). My sister and mother were easy to ward off the computer on weekends, so the comp stood to be all mine for the taking.

Anyway, back to the story. I went online and saw this guy with his hostel allotment as his Google Talk status message – H8, here I come. For starters, that’s the lamest status message one would ever consider; but then I had other ideas running through my nerves at that time. Simply put, where in God’s name am I going? An answer that I would not have been able to establish sitting at home at that moment and having breakfast looking at my mom’s exasperated face. It seems she found it a criminal waste of time that I had just woken up, and it was already past noon. I made a call to a friend at campus. Well, two of them actually. Also, I asked few people online to find out allotment for Rajat Chakravarty – 06D01009. Basically, I was busy engaging an army to attack the notice board and fetch me my details as hostage. Cutting the chase, I discovered I was in H13. I was somewhat thrilled. H13 was the newest hostel. (I mean, 8 years old; but the others were close to 50!) The facilities were plush. The mess was good (not overtly! That strictly cannot happen at IIT anywhere!). To top it all, it was a privilege only sophomores at H13 would enjoy - a single room! Well, the idea of hostel allotment was not really to convey who is going where; but also to organize a workforce for PAF (that’s Performing Arts Festival, for the uninitiated). The PAF is a yearly event for an hour in which hostels showcase their talent (or the lack of it!) in areas of dance, dramatics, singing, production, stealing, screaming, wisecracking to name a few for about 45 minutes.

At that time, a few random people, including Kartik my room-mate told me that my name was missing from the H13 list that the General Secretary of H13 had for PAF work allocation. Considering that to be a gross mistake on their part, I reiterated that there are so many people headed for H13 this year (like thrice the number entering other hostels), they must have surely overlooked my name in haste. A possibility that even they didn’t deny, but even then, it was something that they were more confident of than not. For that matter, Kartik even told me that I had been allotted H6 and not H13. Another leeway I could not say ‘no’ for sure. But then, hostel allotments always happened in pairs of roomies. If Kartik was going, I had to go too. Hence at that time, I at that time didn’t really care as much.

So I worked for the H13 PAF, along with 130 odd others who were allotted H13. A memorable experience, especially when we discovered H13 won the PAF! The days that followed, right till the end of the semester; we always would compare our hostels. H13 being structured more like a hotel than a hostel; it was always criticized to be a place of limited, if not non-existent interaction. A fact, I wasn’t really bothered about anyway as the lure of H13 in other aspects was too overwhelming to say the least.

I had got my room retained for the summer vacations in H2, as Coordinator for Entrepreneurship Cell at IIT Bombay. I would go there very often to do work for E-Cell, Mood Indigo 2007 as well as take friends for a ride (pun intended!) around the campus as a tour guide in and around the beautiful green environs. It was austerely stipulated that I MUST vacate my room on June 30th. After that, my room will be forced open, and my stuff inside would be deemed as public property. Paying heed to the warnings, I began packing my stuff and prepared to transfer my stuff temporarily to another room in H2 till I finally shift to my new room in H13. Room allotment wasn’t happening till 10 days into July; and I hoping for the best decided to keep my stuff in my room till then. Shit didn’t happen for days into July, so I wasn’t really bother about it beyond a point. The hall manager courteously would inform me to fuck off from my room with my stuff instead of barging in without consent.

July 10th had arrived, and excited as I was with the prospect of shifting into my newly allotted hostel as soon as possible had infatuated my senses like a strong dosage of ecstasy. I paid my fees and mess advance on the same day and collected a Due Clearance certificate from the H2 hall manager. I also went down to Room 6 in H2, for final memories and nostalgia of that ‘not so great’ room. In short, I had all the documentation I had needed to legally shift in to H13. At first, the H13 hall manager was quite oblivious to give me the keys to my room in H13. He stated that I must wait for a few days till the nomads from other colleges who come to IIT for a summer project clear out for good. The outstation students had been given an ultimatum already and it was just a matter of time before they’d vacate rooms in the H13 hostel. Anxious as I was at that point in time, I didn’t buy any of it and my degrees of coercion grew. Finally, the man submitted to my demand and decided to make me happy. He slowly opened his table drawer to his right and withdrew the room allotment file. The HCU had already allotted the rooms to all the students. Just that the H13 hall manager didn’t decide to make it public on the notice board. Again for the same reason, a flimsy signature; this time, from the pen of the H13 warden. Anyway, he removed the list from the file and asked me to carefully scrutinize it till I find my name and my matching room number. I checked over and over again. Agitated in a second, I found plenty of Rajat’s. But then Rajat Chakravarty and/or my roll number was nowhere to be found on that list. It was clear. I had NOT been allotted H13.

It seemed the rush of blood in my veins had just stopped! My heart just skipped a few beats. The adrenaline flow right through my system just froze! The feeling just wasn’t sinking in that I am NOT in the H13 list. Maybe my anatomy was too shaken by my discovery to register any more input. Kartik and xyz was right. I was going to H6. Oh damn! H6 rooms were so small. The thought of sleeping ON my roomie, because the rest of the room space (oh wait! What room space?). The hall manager at H13 was saying something I frankly didn’t pay attention to or didn’t care to. It took a few minutes to achieve stability and gather the gravity of the situation. Conscience and rationale finally struck. That list the H13 hall manager has is wrong! There must be a mistake. I was then told to head to the HCU in the main building to see where I was actually going.

The miserable walk from H13 to the Main building began. It’s about a kilometer at least, so a good 20 minutes of thought and self-digestion was on the cards. On the way came H6 and I couldn’t afford to miss out on the tainted prospect of me actually being listed there. The list in H6 was also not out officially, and the hall manager was absconding for hours, if the security guard at H6 was to be believed. All the while, I was wondering, what in the world has gone wrong? Did Ashwath misread my allotment? Did the HCU misread it? Did the HCU even read my name, let alone misread it? There were several unanswered questions, and the database was increasing manifold with every footstep that was making its livid approach to the HCU office.

The HCU office had finally arrived. It arrived a lot quicker than it would have normally, courtesy of my haste in getting there to get things sorted out. I expressed my problems, with an air of frustration and an aura giving the vibe to the person there to feel miserable on his incompetence. Government officers in general give two hoots about people’s problems at first glance; which he seemingly gave the impression of at first. Realizing this quite early into this debacle, I enforced my rights and made it very tacitly clear that I am not going to be easily taken for a ride. This again, doesn’t go down well with the enforcers. The ball was still in his court and I had meaning with getting my job done in the way I wanted to. He showed me the hostel allotment list of all hostels and asked me to hunt for my name. I checked H13 first, and my name was still absent. In order, I checked all other hostel allotments, and my name wasn’t there too. Well, I was a little relieved and thankful then that I wasn’t going to H6 at least. Conveniently, the HCU told me to go check up with the GSHA (General Secretary Hostel Affairs) and find out where I was exactly allotted. Now, the GSHA is a fourth year student, Prashant Khandelwal. I now discovered that it’s the GSHA who allots the student hostels in pairs. I spoke to him on the phone, as he was out with his summer internship work. The guy didn’t seem very visibly helpful and just passed the buck on to me telling me to get in touch with the General Secretary of H13 - Robin and sort it out. It was going to be a long day that day. I set up a meeting with Robin at 10 that night! I had to stay back overnight at the institute. After running around all day, from one person to the next, I was exhausted. I needed a good night’s sleep at H2 for sure. Returning disappointed and visibly pooped all over, I made way for my room in H2. As I opened my room door, lightning struck. My room was completely ransacked and my stuff was nowhere in sight!

I rushed to the H2 hall manager while there was still time. It was 6 in the evening then, and his duty hours were also over. He would seek every opportunity at that time to get rid of me and make his way home. I, on the other hand, extremely worried wanted to know what the fuck is going on. The H2 hall manager politely told me that he just opened my room and confiscated my stuff. Something he said with such an air of easiness, that you’d wonder he’s blessed me or purged me off all my sins as if he was a priest! Being very perceptibly concerned about my stuff, I expressed my apprehensions to him. To my surprise, very priestly, he appreciated my distress and told me that my stuff was safe, in the storage rooms. I needed my stuff that night. I had to sleep somewhere, and on something. I had organized my room so meticulously (something that I never do! Or for that matter IITians never do!) in piles and packets to leave my room. The hall manager opened the store room, and my stuff was not to be found even there. I was flabbergasted. My stuff was, indeed, public property now. I was now, entirely dependent on the honesty and benevolence of the housekeepers and sweepers of H2. They were long gone, and I had to only wait till next morning in fond anticipation of getting all (if not, some) of my stuff back. I had a lot to lose. My squash racket, tennis racket, mattresses, books etc. Basically, this day turned from bad to worse. I lost everything I had - my hostel allotment first, my dignity with the HCU and now my objects of existence in H2. I didn’t even have a towel to wipe myself in the toilet for heaven’s sake! It was setting up to be a night of pure misery!

That night, at 10, I made my way for H13. H13, mind you is quite a secluded location for a hostel. It’s the furthest from the main gate, main building, academic area, H2... everything really. A walk to H13 is a projected trek in itself. Let alone the return journeys. I met Robin in his room. The guy gave me the first glimmer of happiness in a quagmire of appalling events that day after a long time. Robin was completely understanding about my problems and gave it a good and justified hear. He reinstated my confidence in H13, and told me that I will be allotted H13 no matter what and that he will speak to the GSHA and finalize my allotment. I was a tad thrilled, but not conclusively. The HCU entirely handled the allotment this year, and that’s not a system that can be easily influenced. But Robin with the GSHA had good reach, and I was banking on that really. Robin told me to meet the maintenance coordinator of H13 the next morning as he’ll have the list of available rooms in the hostel. Then followed the long night of walking back to H2, make-shift Maggi noodles dinner and some sleep amidst mosquitoes. To tell you how I spent the night will be a different story in itself, so I’ll let that bit be.

Next morning saw me in a whole new frame of mind. I knew a lot of things were to happen today. And it must. First, I met the housekeepers. It was about 8.30 in the morning. Yes, that’s way too early for my standards. But a desperate time need desperate measures, and today was no different. July 11th was a mission to be accomplished. The sweepers hadn’t arrived till then. So I needed to do something or the other in some front. First, I again made the tiring walk to H13 to meet the maintenance coordinator, a third year mechanical engineering student at H13. Somani as he was called, I told him my entire problem, including those that came to pass the earlier day in H2. He took me to the hall manager, who was now pretty accustomed to my disheveled face and my problem. Helpless as he was, he told me that until I don’t get written acknowledgement from the HCU, I will NOT be allotted a room in H13 in any circumstance. Again, the long droning walk to the HCU began. As I reached the HCU, I told him - here’s the deal! I want my room and I want it NOW! Quite rattled with my demeanor, he finally began doing something he should have 24 hours ago! He checked the original allotment list for who has been allotted which hostel from which individual hostel lists were made. In that list, against my name was featured NO hostel. I had NOT been allotted a hostel AT ALL. The wretched and dismal mistake of the GSHA was blaring at the top of its voice for everyone to hear. Well, now it was decision time. And a quick rapid fire quiz started with the HCU. I off course still carried away with my destination responded, all astray in a glee of excitement.

Which hostel do you want?
H13

Which hostel are your department students going to?
H13

Which hostel are your friends and wing mates going to?
H13

What’s your name, again?
H13

I beg your pardon?
H13

A series of frivolous answers that followed was enough to convince the HCU that H13 is where I could, should, would and must go. So a letter stating my allotment to H13 was written and finalized. All I needed to do now, was go to H13, shove this letter down the hall managers throat till he submits by giving me a key to a room in that hostel. But wait! The letter still had one thing left. It was one thing that would seal the H13 hall manager’s fate and my glory in H13. Yes, I’m sure you’ve guessed by now. A stupid, crummy signature!! Since this matter was hi-fi and needed serious authentication, this signature would have to come by none other than the Chairman himself! The HCU now were mere lesser mortals with authentication, and now it’s the turn of IITB’s Chuck Norris himself to do the honours. As providence would have it, I would have to wait for YET another day till the signature arrives.

So, I still don’t have my hostel allotment finalized and I’m making my way back to H2 to meet the sweepers. The sweepers who have complete custody of my stuff. I stormed into the hall manager’s office and the meet escalated into a verbal tussle. The hall manager was screaming in the top of his voice, explaining his complete lack of options other than forced entry into my room. He also told me about the nuances of how he scoured the whole hostel for hours that morning uniting my stuff and keeping it in one place. He led me to that place eventually, and I gasped in what was the most relieving experience I have had in a long time. The prospect of the sweepers making good with my stuff was really something worth considering, my stuff was all there, and that too packed in packets neatly. The sweepers in a rush, actually managed to do the dreary needful that I’d have taken months to do with all my lack of enthusiasm. The previous two days had completely drained all my energy, and the only likelihood I was bearing in mind now was to go home and rest. I now began giving a rat’s ass to hostel allotment and all that it had brought along with it. My stuff was secure now. And I, urgently needed some respite for my tired feet, a bath, a dental cleanup and some new clothes to relieve me off the smelly disaster that I had grown to be the past few days.

Two days later, I again returned to IIT. The letter signed by the Chairman had already made its way to the H13 hall manager. I went again to H13 in the hall manager’s office and showed him the requisite documents, photographs and receipts. After much deliberation and verification, he finally offered me options for which room I wanted. I chose B614. That’s B wing – 6th floor and the 14th room. The room was in one word – brilliant. It was right next to the balcony. The height coupled with the splendid view from the balcony overlooking the lake made for memorable moments to come in the future. The horizon was wide. The whole of Powai Lake seemed under me waiting for my orders as Emperor of the aquatic empire standing on his steeple. The whole skyline of Hiranandani on my left with monstrously tall edifices tearing through the skies and the Renaissance hotel kissing the fences of H13 on the right, the view is spectacularly majestic that can only be seen to be believed. The room was huge for a single room - a nice big cupboard that can fit 2 people inside quite comfortably; a huge table on which I could actually consider an overnight siesta; a nice relaxed chair and a breathtaking view from my window. All in all, I felt this to be a well-deserved complementary gift from someone who has noticed my tireless running around and felt I needed some reward.


Conclusions: -

• I was the ONLY freshie in IITB to have had the exclusive right of choosing his hostel and room!
• The system at IITB is depressingly bureaucratic and needs a lot of change.
• The GSHA is a complete incompetent bastard!
• Running around IIT campus is really good for losing weight and fat!
• I love H13.
• I must write shorter blogs in order for people to consider reading them even!