Man by nature is a political animal.
If not engineering and its applications, one can definitely know the tricks of the trade as far as politics goes at IIT. All you really need is some sort of involvement in activities at IIT, some ambition and your inherent priorities far from what IIT expects of you. Some people do manage to become exceptions to this rule, but then they’re way too smart to study and manage other things at the same time. In fact, there have been such few exceptions to this rule that the ones, who managed it, are largely those who are endangered species on campus, namely girls! Guys don’t generally make the cut in this department, as most of them are quite depressed with their academics and choose positions of responsibility as their keys of survival through the academic torture at IIT.
The tone above might sound like I faced the brunt of the brutality of it. Though it wouldn’t be essentially untrue, I still ended up with Institute Debating Secretary for the coming year for my efforts (or the lack of it). The even semester, just after the mid-semester examinations sees the Institute Elections in full flow. There are lots of positions to occupy in the IIT Councils, more so for the to-be third year students, though the prestige of each of them is largely on subjective biases. The to-be fourth year students vie for the General Secretary posts (one each for Sports, Cultural activities, hostel affairs and academic affairs). Very prestigious posts indeed. Coming to the to-be third year students; for what Mood-I and Techfest have become, the Mood-I CG (Core Group member) or the Techfest Manager pretty much rule the roost as far as student priorities go. E-Cell is definitely catching up, after having catapulted itself this year, with a few big events; though not yet in the formers league. Then we have the Institute posts i.e. institute secretaries under the four General Secretary heads, which places me under the G.S. Cultural Activities as Institute Debating Secretary. The cultural body is something that does fall under the purview of most IIT junta, while a post like the institute Indian games and Mountaineering secretary is something that is as alien to anyone outside the institute as it is to the inside! In all fairness, I never worked towards any of the glamourous posts, either politically or otherwise to get any sort of substantial recognition or notice. The ones, who did make it in the end, did work far more than I did, so to expect anything from these independent bodies for myself would connote by naiveté. But everyone has a blind faith in wanting to acquire something they think they’re capable of. It’s just that winners eventually focus on the means and not just the aims.
In IIT, or for that matter anywhere, it’s always the survival of the fittest scenario. The hot posts sees hot competition, and lots of people trying to occupy such posts. There’s even some competition for the lesser posts as well, but no one gives a rat’s ass about those. Off course, the palpable fact that Institute posts of responsibility adds weight to one’s resume at placements, and gives one a nice learning experience to manage tasks, I have already assumed you know. So what is politics finally? It’s defined quite differently here at IIT. Though, I couldn’t give you an absolute definition, as I haven’t really realized it fully myself, let’s just put simply. The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. Yes, it’s largely sycophancy. Though the definition slightly alters with different election situations, in principle you’re either licking your senior’s ass, IIT junta’s ass; your professor’s ass and pray not, your own ass! Everywhere, it’s about licking ass. Though, it’d be grossly wrong to say that the ‘poltu’ selections don’t do any work and just keep licking ass till their tongues go dry. They work really hard, but so do the ‘non-poltu’ hopefuls. Politics becomes the deciding factor. Crime doesn’t pay, but politics does!
In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves. The victims of it profess such theories explicitly, quite often to demean the achievers, while the ones who epitomize it, in essence believe in it implicitly but don’t acknowledge the same. And why not, if a senior is flattered by your presence and feels you’ve done enough work to deserve a higher post, s/he’ll bloody well give it to you. That’s exactly how a corporate work and might be a reason why you won’t get a promotion in your job later.
But now I’m talking about the elected posts. Participating in elections is definitely a way to know how efficient your PR-building skills really is. A lot of them win generally on their good-PR in the first place, but for the ones who have to establish it, they face the hardships. Then again, you also have random clowns in the sample space who anti-campaign for themselves when campaigning and you only fondly hope he covers all the hostels for having all the votes to yourself. But largely, IIT elections to a community of 6000-strong, is primarily about showing face and convincing him just to the level that he doesn’t forget you for a 10-day period till the voting process happens. IIT has a large Post Graduate population; most of who don’t even bother standing for any post or involve themselves in IIT activities to even pose as a threat during campaigning. Surely, it’s nearly impossible to campaign everywhere and in front of everyone. That’s where politics comes in. You find allies, and ask them to spread the word. Off course, your close friends will always vote for you, but clever schemes and being ever so conniving, will not only help you fetch victory, but it’s considered stupid to not utilize such tactics in the first place. One always approaches seniors, not only for fundaes, but also on knowing measly strategies on how to garner votes the dirty way! Hey, at the end of the day, it’s only the votes, which decide your fate.
Some useful tips I learnt on the way: -
1. Always walk in the hostels while campaigning with some popular hostelite.
2. LICK ASS!
3. LICK SENIOR ASS ESPECIALLY as they’d help you in the future.
4. Dress well.
5. Bathe.
6. LICK SOME MORE ASS!
7. Make a diplomatic manifesto.
8. Get your friend’s to spread your word, maybe do some anti in the process.
9. LICK ASS!
10. Be submissive, especially to Post Grads, as they like to be pampered.
11. Upload the prettiest picture (non-nude) you have for the online voting interface.
12. LICK ASS!
13. Get some strong recommendations and proposals for your candidature.
14. Keep the election officers happy, who knows when their love for you might overshadow a campaigning violation, if it ever happened!
15. LICK ASS!
16. Oh! I almost forgot… LICK ASS!
So when campaigning is done, we have a Silent Day followed by the voting day. The silent day ironically is the day you’re expected to be the least silent! That’s the day when all your pals and allies will be silently scouring the institute spreading word about voting for you. Though quite in essence, it’s easily on of those days of maximum silent entropy. It’s the last crack at the game, with elections only the following day. The Election Day too, swirls votes around. The candidate, off course out of bounds from his room, now has to rely on his allies to do the running around and calling. And surprisingly, in IIT elections, there’s reason to be quarantined if caught. At the quarantine, you’re actually given Monginis cakes and patties with tea for your efforts of having run around for your favoured candidate and now rot in that room for a few more hours!
It’s almost fortunate or unfortunate, that politics definitely can even prove to be a ray of light for a casual dumbass that just decided he wanted to stand for a post while he was asleep or dumping in the toilet. Though it’s largely made of irrelevancies, politics requires no preparation. The bad part is, that it shatters those who actually worked hard for it, and didn’t manage to make it.
Luckily, a lot of the recently aforesaid rules didn’t apply for me, as I was standing unopposed; and as fate had it, was made IDS without even a Yes/No call. However, people at IIT firmly believe, that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the crummy politicians alone. I, off late have just developed this opinion after having gone through an election myself, and seeing (if not emulating) the political idols. You see, politics is not a bad profession at all; if you succeed, there is lots of rewards; and if you don’t or have managed to disgrace yourself, you can always write a book or a blog on it!
If not engineering and its applications, one can definitely know the tricks of the trade as far as politics goes at IIT. All you really need is some sort of involvement in activities at IIT, some ambition and your inherent priorities far from what IIT expects of you. Some people do manage to become exceptions to this rule, but then they’re way too smart to study and manage other things at the same time. In fact, there have been such few exceptions to this rule that the ones, who managed it, are largely those who are endangered species on campus, namely girls! Guys don’t generally make the cut in this department, as most of them are quite depressed with their academics and choose positions of responsibility as their keys of survival through the academic torture at IIT.
The tone above might sound like I faced the brunt of the brutality of it. Though it wouldn’t be essentially untrue, I still ended up with Institute Debating Secretary for the coming year for my efforts (or the lack of it). The even semester, just after the mid-semester examinations sees the Institute Elections in full flow. There are lots of positions to occupy in the IIT Councils, more so for the to-be third year students, though the prestige of each of them is largely on subjective biases. The to-be fourth year students vie for the General Secretary posts (one each for Sports, Cultural activities, hostel affairs and academic affairs). Very prestigious posts indeed. Coming to the to-be third year students; for what Mood-I and Techfest have become, the Mood-I CG (Core Group member) or the Techfest Manager pretty much rule the roost as far as student priorities go. E-Cell is definitely catching up, after having catapulted itself this year, with a few big events; though not yet in the formers league. Then we have the Institute posts i.e. institute secretaries under the four General Secretary heads, which places me under the G.S. Cultural Activities as Institute Debating Secretary. The cultural body is something that does fall under the purview of most IIT junta, while a post like the institute Indian games and Mountaineering secretary is something that is as alien to anyone outside the institute as it is to the inside! In all fairness, I never worked towards any of the glamourous posts, either politically or otherwise to get any sort of substantial recognition or notice. The ones, who did make it in the end, did work far more than I did, so to expect anything from these independent bodies for myself would connote by naiveté. But everyone has a blind faith in wanting to acquire something they think they’re capable of. It’s just that winners eventually focus on the means and not just the aims.
In IIT, or for that matter anywhere, it’s always the survival of the fittest scenario. The hot posts sees hot competition, and lots of people trying to occupy such posts. There’s even some competition for the lesser posts as well, but no one gives a rat’s ass about those. Off course, the palpable fact that Institute posts of responsibility adds weight to one’s resume at placements, and gives one a nice learning experience to manage tasks, I have already assumed you know. So what is politics finally? It’s defined quite differently here at IIT. Though, I couldn’t give you an absolute definition, as I haven’t really realized it fully myself, let’s just put simply. The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. Yes, it’s largely sycophancy. Though the definition slightly alters with different election situations, in principle you’re either licking your senior’s ass, IIT junta’s ass; your professor’s ass and pray not, your own ass! Everywhere, it’s about licking ass. Though, it’d be grossly wrong to say that the ‘poltu’ selections don’t do any work and just keep licking ass till their tongues go dry. They work really hard, but so do the ‘non-poltu’ hopefuls. Politics becomes the deciding factor. Crime doesn’t pay, but politics does!
In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves. The victims of it profess such theories explicitly, quite often to demean the achievers, while the ones who epitomize it, in essence believe in it implicitly but don’t acknowledge the same. And why not, if a senior is flattered by your presence and feels you’ve done enough work to deserve a higher post, s/he’ll bloody well give it to you. That’s exactly how a corporate work and might be a reason why you won’t get a promotion in your job later.
But now I’m talking about the elected posts. Participating in elections is definitely a way to know how efficient your PR-building skills really is. A lot of them win generally on their good-PR in the first place, but for the ones who have to establish it, they face the hardships. Then again, you also have random clowns in the sample space who anti-campaign for themselves when campaigning and you only fondly hope he covers all the hostels for having all the votes to yourself. But largely, IIT elections to a community of 6000-strong, is primarily about showing face and convincing him just to the level that he doesn’t forget you for a 10-day period till the voting process happens. IIT has a large Post Graduate population; most of who don’t even bother standing for any post or involve themselves in IIT activities to even pose as a threat during campaigning. Surely, it’s nearly impossible to campaign everywhere and in front of everyone. That’s where politics comes in. You find allies, and ask them to spread the word. Off course, your close friends will always vote for you, but clever schemes and being ever so conniving, will not only help you fetch victory, but it’s considered stupid to not utilize such tactics in the first place. One always approaches seniors, not only for fundaes, but also on knowing measly strategies on how to garner votes the dirty way! Hey, at the end of the day, it’s only the votes, which decide your fate.
Some useful tips I learnt on the way: -
1. Always walk in the hostels while campaigning with some popular hostelite.
2. LICK ASS!
3. LICK SENIOR ASS ESPECIALLY as they’d help you in the future.
4. Dress well.
5. Bathe.
6. LICK SOME MORE ASS!
7. Make a diplomatic manifesto.
8. Get your friend’s to spread your word, maybe do some anti in the process.
9. LICK ASS!
10. Be submissive, especially to Post Grads, as they like to be pampered.
11. Upload the prettiest picture (non-nude) you have for the online voting interface.
12. LICK ASS!
13. Get some strong recommendations and proposals for your candidature.
14. Keep the election officers happy, who knows when their love for you might overshadow a campaigning violation, if it ever happened!
15. LICK ASS!
16. Oh! I almost forgot… LICK ASS!
So when campaigning is done, we have a Silent Day followed by the voting day. The silent day ironically is the day you’re expected to be the least silent! That’s the day when all your pals and allies will be silently scouring the institute spreading word about voting for you. Though quite in essence, it’s easily on of those days of maximum silent entropy. It’s the last crack at the game, with elections only the following day. The Election Day too, swirls votes around. The candidate, off course out of bounds from his room, now has to rely on his allies to do the running around and calling. And surprisingly, in IIT elections, there’s reason to be quarantined if caught. At the quarantine, you’re actually given Monginis cakes and patties with tea for your efforts of having run around for your favoured candidate and now rot in that room for a few more hours!
It’s almost fortunate or unfortunate, that politics definitely can even prove to be a ray of light for a casual dumbass that just decided he wanted to stand for a post while he was asleep or dumping in the toilet. Though it’s largely made of irrelevancies, politics requires no preparation. The bad part is, that it shatters those who actually worked hard for it, and didn’t manage to make it.
Luckily, a lot of the recently aforesaid rules didn’t apply for me, as I was standing unopposed; and as fate had it, was made IDS without even a Yes/No call. However, people at IIT firmly believe, that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the crummy politicians alone. I, off late have just developed this opinion after having gone through an election myself, and seeing (if not emulating) the political idols. You see, politics is not a bad profession at all; if you succeed, there is lots of rewards; and if you don’t or have managed to disgrace yourself, you can always write a book or a blog on it!
4 comments:
i am so glad i am not in IIT. atleast no ass licking for me!
hehe..nice list of dos...but a really long post ..takes the wind out of u reading such a long one...
@ Aditi - The political system is better in IIT than in other student elections that happen elsewhere. Atleast, you don't have to campaign with the insecurity of being killed someday, a la ABVP. :)
The definition of politics..especially the etymology is too good. But honestly, our college's politics are still ok...there have been three cases in the last one month where college students have actually killed each other and numerous others involving swords and 10 vs 1 type fights in areas close by...thank goodness all of us are cowards at iit :D
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